By some magic coincidence, my paperback launches today on my wedding anniversary, which gives me occasion to think about these two events in my life side by side, publishing a book and getting married. They’re certainly entwined in my mind, both as occasions that happened so close to each other, but also ways to think about what it means to get to specific places in one’s life.
You might notice that I hesitate to use the word “milestone” because even though I recognize how hard it is not to view life as a set of progressive achievements, I find it more helpful to focus on the day-to-day. I mentioned to a friend recently that I find it hard to take compliments about things I’ve done, less because I’m not proud of them, but more because I’m actually too prone to focus on my ambitions rather than the daily pleasures—mixed with the trials—of working toward being a better writer, spouse, and person.
One of the reasons I do this is because over time, it’s been important for me to temper my expectations, and to be clear about what I want rather than what the world wants for me. There was a lot of buzz surrounding the release of Fairest, huge plans for a tour that covered at least fifteen cities, interviews booked with flashy media outlets. All that shifted almost overnight because of the pandemic, and I don’t think I would have handled the new normal nearly as well had I been caught up in the book being a specific kind of success to the outside world. It’s always been most important for my contentment to be located in the writing itself, and as long as that’s true, everything else is just extra.
So yay, I published Fairest a little over a year ago and got married two years ago, and today is an occasion for me to celebrate both of those events at once. But more than the times when we get to be happy while other people watch, I’m thankful that I get to live life as a writer striving to make my work better each day, with someone I love by my side.